Everything they show you about success is a lie

How athletes grow on and off the pitch by turning inwards and listening to their inner voice, instead of what others tell them to believe. 

I have found my mission in life - and it is simply "To Be Myself".

Who am I really? - Is the answer to this question the solution to all our problems?

When I look in the mirror and ask myself who I really am, I have a big question mark on my forehead. At the same time I have the feeling that the answer to this question and especially the resulting real life of one's own being is the final test in our life, so to speak, which is followed by a life in complete fullness and harmony. What if our only task in this life is to realize who we really are? What if we realize that we are not human, that we only have a body and a mind, but that we are much more?


  • To live who I really am - that feels like infinite abundance, lightness and freedom.
  • To allow myself to be as I am and to accept what is - then everything that follows should be right and I could never make a mistake again?
  • Not having to play a role anymore to please others - that way life should be a pleasure and I am really happy.


The definition of happiness?

The moment I am just myself and love myself as I am, I can love everything else as it is. That is actually a good definition of happiness as I think. Happiness is to acknowledge and accept life as it is. Comparison is the death of happiness, I once heard.


Is it selfish to be myself?

No, I like Oscar Wilde's definition of selfishness: '“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. And unselfishness is letting other people's lives alone, not interfering with them.


living life "in order to..." 

I sometimes feel like an onion with many layers, you probably do too when you think about all the roles you have taken on or had to take on in your life. The child who wanted to please everyone in order to be accepted and to have friends. The daughter who wanted to bring home good grades in order to make her mom happy. The son who wanted to play good soccer in order to make his father proud. The child who always had to rebel in order to get attention from his parents. The man who is always sick in order to get love and affection, the employee who always does whatever the boss wants in order to get a raise and thus get more fame and recognition.

In the end, we often play "in order to" roles and the goal is mostly to get love from the outside because otherwise we don't feel valuable ourselves. But is that really who we are?


When does a role become a problem?

Whenever we are not authentic the role becomes "dangerous" - because it sabotages the task: "Be yourself". If you don't really want to play soccer as a child and you only do it in order to make your dad happy or later in order to become rich and famous, then you are not living your "true self". If you don't really like your boss and you don't enjoy your work and you haven't quit your job because you are afraid of not being able to pay your bills or losing your status and recognition, then you are not living your "self". If you are afraid to end your relationship because you are afraid to be alone or it would be "uncomfortable" then you are not living your "self".


One way to find out if you are living your true self or not?

The body shows us unmistakably when we are not living our "self".

Unfortunately, symptoms and diseases are often considered separately from our mind and soul. But our body, mind and soul are closely connected, not for nothing you have to cry when you are sad,  get goose bumps when something really touches you deeply or you cringe when you are disgusted by someone scratching the chalkboard.

Illnesses, especially if they are chronic, are always warning lights that come from your soul and manifest through your body symptoms, when you are not living your true "self". That´s how the soul communicates with us. Now this may be particularly painful for many to admit and many will reject it in advance because that would mean that they would have to really change their lives in order to feel better again and become healthy, but ignoring is like turning the fire alarm off when the house is in flames and going back to sleep. You're getting in the way of yourself and your full potential and your best possible performance, if you're just living your life "in order to"...


Being is the key

You can't become an entrepreneur, you have to be one. You can't become a professional athlete, you have to be one. 


Giving up "in order to" roles

One role I have given up is the role of the child who had to perform in order to be loved and was always good in order not to upset the parents, mostly my father. Of course I never gave up this role as an adult because it worked well as a child and so I took it with me into my relationships, my work and so on. Who knows me knows that I seem to be always in a good mood and it is always fun being around me and I would always perform in order to make you happy and not to disappoint you. But my true self looks quite different on some days of course. I can now learn to accept this and stop being afraid of disappointing other people or making them "unhappy". I no longer need the likes of everyone around me to feel worthy.


No more playing victim

I also discovered that in the months of  late 2020 and early 2021 when I faced unexpected changes I slipped into a victim role and made the outside responsible for my sudden "unhappiness", probably many of you felt or feel the same way at the moment.  Believe me, acknowledging that for someone like me, who hates the victim role, was really difficult and painful. In the short term I wanted to throw everything away and give up what I have invested so much time and energy for the last years. I asked myself if I had made a big mistake in leaving all behind, emigrating the country I grew up in and instead traveling the world and transitioning to an online business all at the same time. There were moments when I thought this was a  stupid idea and it would have been much easier to just leave everything as it was. When I write this I have to smile about it and now I know that it was just a challenge I got from the universe, to check if I really want this and if this is really helpful on the way to living my true "self". I have the feeling - Yes, absolutely!


So I continue to practice joyful serenity, and recognize what is, trusting that all is right as it comes.


yours, Stefan Peter

About the author

Stefan Peter, MAS in Sports Health and Leadership

With more than a decade of coaching experience and my own background as a young athlete it is my goal to help you perform better, but most importantly help your personal growth on and off the pitch.

" So many young athletes only perform in training, but block their own performance when it gets tough. Not only do they risk loosing the love of the game but even worse developing mental health issues" - It is my passion and calling to help you overcome your limiting thoughts, emotions and beliefs. 

1:1 coaching for athletes to overcome limiting beliefs

Stop blocking your own performance and learn to be more confident and rediscover your joy

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